Absence, havoc
Charles Wallace is making me get out of bed again. He says he's lonely.
"No one's around except you, Sandra," he said.
"Where's Mom and Dad?"
"At Dad's office. They're trying to install the new tax tables and Mom's got a bunch of programs downloaded they hope will have the right Java platform."
"And grandad?"
"I had to disable his computer so he wouldn't send threatening email to Wayne Rooney."
"Good, Charles Wallace. Having one relative wanted by the police is enough." Charles Wallace was serious about being lonely--he even made me coffee. I got my robe on and we went downstairs.
We sat in the kitchen and looked out over the backyard. My father had put the barbecue back together yesterday afternoon, but the tree near the fence still looked pretty bad, with half its bark blown off. The rose bushes were fairly shredded, too. Charles Wallace's supply of fireworks was still near the sink, poor guy. I told him I'd help him light them tonight.
Everything started on Saturday morning. My grandfather thought it would be a good idea to have everyone watch the England game together. Unfortunately right then my mother had a medical emergency come up and my father remembered that he had to reset everything since the GST went down that day. So it was only me, Charles Wallace, and Duncan who went with my grandfather back to the Waltzing Weasel for the game. England lost on penalty kicks, after a 0-0 game, and the bar cleared out really fast after the game. My grandfather went straight to the basement with a six-pack of lager when we got in. At least he had cover that afternoon.
The Andersons arrived around 2, as did April. My mother had assured Mrs. Anderson that Arne would not show up, and Mr. Anderson seemed happy to be in a place where no-one talked about trains. I asked April some questions about her brother, and Charles Wallace played Scrabble on the patio with Duncan and Mrs. Anderson. Things continued on fairly quietly until right after my father took the burgers off the grill.
Arne had vaulted over the garden gate, with a strange cloud behind him. My father dropped the barbecue tongs.
"Arne, you said you were going on tour with Torvald's roadshow!" My father was really getting angry at that point.
"I'll meet the tour later--Torvald doesn't know I'm turning up. I thought I was in for the long haul with Magician's Block, but it's over--I'm an illusionist again!" Aside from the cloud behind him, he seemed normal enough. My father cautiously invited him over and we all settled down again.
I think it all really started when Arne went in to mix drinks. He wasn't very clear on what they were, but the mess on the kitchen counter pointed to them being green-flavour drink-crystal based. It seemed safe enough. It was getting pretty hot, so the Andersons, April, and I stuck to whatever Arne was producing in the pitcher. Around the time Charles Wallace was about to start lighting his fireworks, Arne looked up, checked his watch, and said, "It's time." I distinctly heard a police siren in the distance then. Arne announced that, in honour of Canada Day, he was going to make the maple tree near the back fence disappear.
"Why make the maple tree disappear?" April asked. Obviously it wasn't a time for logic.
"I had a dream about all this last night. You were in it, and you..." My father cut Arne off there.
"You said that the last time you passed out watching The Wizard of Oz."
"No, Don, this is true. Something came to me--some sort of magician-guide guy--and told me to face my fears, and I would be worthy of my illusionist name."
"What, Man Who Causes Property Damage?" I had to ask.
"You may mock, family members and neighbours, but I have got it back." And he then started warming up with the moves he learned from the Power Rangers film. "Where once was a tree, now there is OH HELL WHERE THE ***K DID THAT LIGHTER FLUID COME FROM" He hadn't backed away from the barbecue yet, and my father had it on low so Charles Wallace could make s'mores. The lighter fluid went out in a flaming arc from his sleeve to the tree. Arne turned in the other direction, but managed to make the flame run from his other sleeve to the pitcher on the table.
"That's not cheap drink crystals!" April shouted. My mother was turning a shade of red I hadn't seen her do in a few years.
"I should have realized that--I didn't buy any drink powder. What the hell's in that?" She was shaking Arne at the same time she was trying to put his eyebrows out.
"I thought I told you--I made Bullfrogs. Five pitchers worth. It's my best drink recipe: ginger ale and Alcool." That explained a lot, like why everything in the back yard, and not just the barbecue, seemed to be spinning. My mother called a cab for the Andersons and April, and went to get more first aid related equipment for Arne. Arne, though, had jumped back over the gate in a cloud of dry ice. My father checked for gas leaks and then sent Charles Wallace inside. My mother helped me up to bed and left a liter of water on my nightstand.
"No one's around except you, Sandra," he said.
"Where's Mom and Dad?"
"At Dad's office. They're trying to install the new tax tables and Mom's got a bunch of programs downloaded they hope will have the right Java platform."
"And grandad?"
"I had to disable his computer so he wouldn't send threatening email to Wayne Rooney."
"Good, Charles Wallace. Having one relative wanted by the police is enough." Charles Wallace was serious about being lonely--he even made me coffee. I got my robe on and we went downstairs.
We sat in the kitchen and looked out over the backyard. My father had put the barbecue back together yesterday afternoon, but the tree near the fence still looked pretty bad, with half its bark blown off. The rose bushes were fairly shredded, too. Charles Wallace's supply of fireworks was still near the sink, poor guy. I told him I'd help him light them tonight.
Everything started on Saturday morning. My grandfather thought it would be a good idea to have everyone watch the England game together. Unfortunately right then my mother had a medical emergency come up and my father remembered that he had to reset everything since the GST went down that day. So it was only me, Charles Wallace, and Duncan who went with my grandfather back to the Waltzing Weasel for the game. England lost on penalty kicks, after a 0-0 game, and the bar cleared out really fast after the game. My grandfather went straight to the basement with a six-pack of lager when we got in. At least he had cover that afternoon.
The Andersons arrived around 2, as did April. My mother had assured Mrs. Anderson that Arne would not show up, and Mr. Anderson seemed happy to be in a place where no-one talked about trains. I asked April some questions about her brother, and Charles Wallace played Scrabble on the patio with Duncan and Mrs. Anderson. Things continued on fairly quietly until right after my father took the burgers off the grill.
Arne had vaulted over the garden gate, with a strange cloud behind him. My father dropped the barbecue tongs.
"Arne, you said you were going on tour with Torvald's roadshow!" My father was really getting angry at that point.
"I'll meet the tour later--Torvald doesn't know I'm turning up. I thought I was in for the long haul with Magician's Block, but it's over--I'm an illusionist again!" Aside from the cloud behind him, he seemed normal enough. My father cautiously invited him over and we all settled down again.
I think it all really started when Arne went in to mix drinks. He wasn't very clear on what they were, but the mess on the kitchen counter pointed to them being green-flavour drink-crystal based. It seemed safe enough. It was getting pretty hot, so the Andersons, April, and I stuck to whatever Arne was producing in the pitcher. Around the time Charles Wallace was about to start lighting his fireworks, Arne looked up, checked his watch, and said, "It's time." I distinctly heard a police siren in the distance then. Arne announced that, in honour of Canada Day, he was going to make the maple tree near the back fence disappear.
"Why make the maple tree disappear?" April asked. Obviously it wasn't a time for logic.
"I had a dream about all this last night. You were in it, and you..." My father cut Arne off there.
"You said that the last time you passed out watching The Wizard of Oz."
"No, Don, this is true. Something came to me--some sort of magician-guide guy--and told me to face my fears, and I would be worthy of my illusionist name."
"What, Man Who Causes Property Damage?" I had to ask.
"You may mock, family members and neighbours, but I have got it back." And he then started warming up with the moves he learned from the Power Rangers film. "Where once was a tree, now there is OH HELL WHERE THE ***K DID THAT LIGHTER FLUID COME FROM" He hadn't backed away from the barbecue yet, and my father had it on low so Charles Wallace could make s'mores. The lighter fluid went out in a flaming arc from his sleeve to the tree. Arne turned in the other direction, but managed to make the flame run from his other sleeve to the pitcher on the table.
"That's not cheap drink crystals!" April shouted. My mother was turning a shade of red I hadn't seen her do in a few years.
"I should have realized that--I didn't buy any drink powder. What the hell's in that?" She was shaking Arne at the same time she was trying to put his eyebrows out.
"I thought I told you--I made Bullfrogs. Five pitchers worth. It's my best drink recipe: ginger ale and Alcool." That explained a lot, like why everything in the back yard, and not just the barbecue, seemed to be spinning. My mother called a cab for the Andersons and April, and went to get more first aid related equipment for Arne. Arne, though, had jumped back over the gate in a cloud of dry ice. My father checked for gas leaks and then sent Charles Wallace inside. My mother helped me up to bed and left a liter of water on my nightstand.
posted by Zandra Larson at 7:30 a.m.
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