Religious as hell
Charles Wallace filled me in on what he found about Arne's Canada Day rampage yesterday afternoon.
"Well, Arne did the flaming water trick in front of the statue of Queen Victoria downtown, and managed to do something to corrode her left arm. He said he was reclaiming his territory as Milborough's finest illusionist. Then he did something with the dry ice in front of the police station. He tried to do the trick with the doves next, but the doves died or something and he was right in front of the Humane Society's information table."
"Not good."
"Then he did the Wall of Canada trick in front of the Three Kronen, but nothing happened there since Ivar said that Arne's paid about twenty years worth of rent, and then on his way here he did the Rampaging Dust Devil trick. I think he scorched all the front lawns between the Three Kronen and here." I had more coffee, and thought about how happy I was passed out yesterday afternoon, until Charles Wallace dumped water on me. He claimed Duncan told him to do it. Duncan wanted me up so we could go to the Vatikan for its last night. I got dressed fast and met Duncan and April at the GO station. I was still a little shaky. Someone on the train near us pointed at me and said, "Those suburban goth kids--they really get into it." Duncan said I just looked really, really pale instead of just really pale. We got to the Vatikan and I went to get something to drink. When I got back to Duncan and April, they were both looking horrified. A nun had walked into the club.
"I think she's lost," I said.
"No, she's not lost, it's Kimmi," Duncan said unhappily. "She's come after me."
"Great--Becky McGuire leaves, with Cowboy Eva with her, and you still have exes coming out of the walls. And didn't she have a vocation or something?" Duncan nodded.
"That's what she wrote..."
"But who knows what it's a vocation for," April said. Kimmi certainly looked more like that fighting nun character than Mother Theresa.
"Duncan, I've waited for you," Kimmi screamed as she ran over. Duncan tried to go under the table. "Come on, let's go."
"No you don't, he's here with me," I said. April said something about energy drinks and went up to get a few right then.
"OK, dead girl, give me back my boyfriend," Kimmi said. She started twirling her rosary menacingly.
"He's mine, and don't threaten me," I said. The only advantage I had over Kimmi right then was height, as I was still hungover. I meant to just stare at her, but I lurched over the chair and almost fell into her. Kimmi screamed again, and Duncan took off for the men's room. "You left him, you told him you had a vocation, and you broke his heart. Don't expect to just pick him up like that," I added. April then got a text message from Duncan--he was going to the squat. "All right, April, we're getting a cab." We ran out the door, and hailed a taxi. Kimmi jumped in with us.
"I have to find my MCDunC..."she stared. She wouldn't get out, no matter what I told her, until I threatened to leave her under the Gardiner if she didn't shut up. We got to the squat, and I went in first.
"Duncan? It's safe to come out," I called. April walked in next, and got hit by the smell.
"Dunc, toilet paper wasn't enough," she said. Then we both stopped at the same time. Duncan was huddled in a corner, with Bambi trying to get him to come out.
"Is she using the peanuts or her breasts?" April asked.
"God, I hope it's the peanuts," I said. Kimmi ran in next, then the squeegie gang ran out. "How scary can a fake nun be?" Duncan was still in the corner. April and I went over to him, and he started to explain that the squeegie gang was being bothered by some separate high school downtown (Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow, I think he said it was) that wanted to rehabilitate them for their community service hours. Kimmi just looked stunned. We couldn't think of anything else to do, so we went back to the Vatikan and tried to enjoy its last night ever. Kimmi had gone off somewhere else by then. We got back into Milborough really late (or really early, depending on how you wanted to read the clock) and I was soundly out until Charles Wallace woke me up.
"Well, Arne did the flaming water trick in front of the statue of Queen Victoria downtown, and managed to do something to corrode her left arm. He said he was reclaiming his territory as Milborough's finest illusionist. Then he did something with the dry ice in front of the police station. He tried to do the trick with the doves next, but the doves died or something and he was right in front of the Humane Society's information table."
"Not good."
"Then he did the Wall of Canada trick in front of the Three Kronen, but nothing happened there since Ivar said that Arne's paid about twenty years worth of rent, and then on his way here he did the Rampaging Dust Devil trick. I think he scorched all the front lawns between the Three Kronen and here." I had more coffee, and thought about how happy I was passed out yesterday afternoon, until Charles Wallace dumped water on me. He claimed Duncan told him to do it. Duncan wanted me up so we could go to the Vatikan for its last night. I got dressed fast and met Duncan and April at the GO station. I was still a little shaky. Someone on the train near us pointed at me and said, "Those suburban goth kids--they really get into it." Duncan said I just looked really, really pale instead of just really pale. We got to the Vatikan and I went to get something to drink. When I got back to Duncan and April, they were both looking horrified. A nun had walked into the club.
"I think she's lost," I said.
"No, she's not lost, it's Kimmi," Duncan said unhappily. "She's come after me."
"Great--Becky McGuire leaves, with Cowboy Eva with her, and you still have exes coming out of the walls. And didn't she have a vocation or something?" Duncan nodded.
"That's what she wrote..."
"But who knows what it's a vocation for," April said. Kimmi certainly looked more like that fighting nun character than Mother Theresa.
"Duncan, I've waited for you," Kimmi screamed as she ran over. Duncan tried to go under the table. "Come on, let's go."
"No you don't, he's here with me," I said. April said something about energy drinks and went up to get a few right then.
"OK, dead girl, give me back my boyfriend," Kimmi said. She started twirling her rosary menacingly.
"He's mine, and don't threaten me," I said. The only advantage I had over Kimmi right then was height, as I was still hungover. I meant to just stare at her, but I lurched over the chair and almost fell into her. Kimmi screamed again, and Duncan took off for the men's room. "You left him, you told him you had a vocation, and you broke his heart. Don't expect to just pick him up like that," I added. April then got a text message from Duncan--he was going to the squat. "All right, April, we're getting a cab." We ran out the door, and hailed a taxi. Kimmi jumped in with us.
"I have to find my MCDunC..."she stared. She wouldn't get out, no matter what I told her, until I threatened to leave her under the Gardiner if she didn't shut up. We got to the squat, and I went in first.
"Duncan? It's safe to come out," I called. April walked in next, and got hit by the smell.
"Dunc, toilet paper wasn't enough," she said. Then we both stopped at the same time. Duncan was huddled in a corner, with Bambi trying to get him to come out.
"Is she using the peanuts or her breasts?" April asked.
"God, I hope it's the peanuts," I said. Kimmi ran in next, then the squeegie gang ran out. "How scary can a fake nun be?" Duncan was still in the corner. April and I went over to him, and he started to explain that the squeegie gang was being bothered by some separate high school downtown (Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow, I think he said it was) that wanted to rehabilitate them for their community service hours. Kimmi just looked stunned. We couldn't think of anything else to do, so we went back to the Vatikan and tried to enjoy its last night ever. Kimmi had gone off somewhere else by then. We got back into Milborough really late (or really early, depending on how you wanted to read the clock) and I was soundly out until Charles Wallace woke me up.
posted by Zandra Larson at 8:43 a.m.
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