The widening gyre
I really, really hate Arne right now. He almost made me fail my G2 test. I was using the brakes harder than I should have, the examiner said.
I should have noticed something was wrong when Duncan and April and I got to the Three Kronen and the karaoke equipment was just sitting in a pile near the cigarette machine. I asked Ivar where Arne was and he said he didn't know, but to check upstairs first. I left Duncan and April to set up the karaoke and went up to Arne's apartment.
Wilco must have had a week off, since the place was a mess, and Arne was passed out on the floor with a copy of Canadian Magic Week and two empty bottles of Absolut raspberry vodka. "Damn," I said, and Arne blinked a bit then passed out even further. I ran downstairs to find Ivar, and ran into a microphone. Duncan had set up the system, and wanted me to sing something.
"I don't sing," I said.
"C'mon, hardly anyone's here, and I picked an easy one for you--'These Boots are Made for Walking.'" April was out in the bar setting the song catalogues, request notes, and pencils out.
"All right, just this once," I said, and Duncan typed in the song. Then his jaw dropped and he started muttering. Then I saw why-- "Muskrat Love? What the hell?" Then the music started, and the little words rolled across the screen, although the first line of the song wasn't "Duncan, I'm going to kill you." I tried to sing, but I can't, so I ended up doing what Zapata and Zenobia was always the best thing to do in situations like this: go hardcore. Finally the song ended, and I went over to the bar to hide. Ivar was there, though.
"Please don't sing anymore," he said. "That was the most violent cover of a Captain and Tennille song I've ever heard." I promised him I wouldn't sing anymore, and went back to the machine. Duncan was hosting and running the machine, so I took over the programming. I think I was starting to realize the test was the next day, and I began to get worried. I had to take it in my father's car, for one thing, since my mother and the Honda would be at the hospital. I hardly ever drove the Saab, and my father tended to panic every time I hit the brakes when he took me driving. Then I wondered why Duncan always invited April to things like this with me. Maybe he really wanted to be with her, rather than me, or even Eva. I started to think about that, and the next thing I knew I was setting up "Afternoon Delight" for them to do as a duet. Once I got that in the machine, I started to worry about the G2 test again. Why did Arne have to flake out over Canadian Magic Week this Friday? Why did I have to run a karaoke night full of drunks doing Swedish hockey songs? I think I must have said something aloud about all this, since Duncan looked at me in a panic. I ran out of the bar then. He followed me, but he went up to Arne's apartment. I was walking home, or in the direction of home.
I went by Jeremy Jones' house, and the light was on in the living room and I could see him sitting in an uncomfortable chair. I rang the bell and he answered. Jeremy's a good listener, and I asked him what he would do in the whole karaoke/bad song situation. He seemed pretty surprised that any karaoke music collection would have "Muskrat Love" in it. Then I checked on my cellphone to see if Duncan had posted anything about this on a blog. He had, and he even got the names wrong. I asked Jeremy if I could borrow his cellphone to text Duncan so he wouldn't know it was from my phone. There were simply too many bad animal references going around, and I told him so and that it was over. Then Jeremy got sort of confused since Zapata told him something about a test to be a male goth or something. He looked fine to me, but I think Zapata was stringing him along or something, especially since she's having some boyfriend problems at the moment. I said goodbye to Jeremy and went home.
I couldn't sleep very well thinking about the test and realizing that I had just broken up with Duncan over something idiotic again. "Stupid, stupid," I muttered. I had to do something about it in the morning after my test.
At least I passed the test. Afterwords, I dropped my father off at home and told him I had to look for someone. He had his fake baseball league fake World Series to prepare for tonight anyway, so he was all right with that. I pulled out of the driveway before Charles Wallace could get near the car.
Duncan wasn't home, and I guessed Arne had something to do with it. It was getting to afternoon, so I guessed Arne would be at his favourite place for brunch. I got a good parking spot at the IKEA and found him in the cafeteria with Duncan. I apologized to Duncan a lot and told him how the driving test had been worrying me.
"I passed, though, and I've got the car outside, and we can go out for food if you like," I told him. He looked happy to leave his ligonberry waffles with Arne. We went to Tim Hortons and had lunch and I apologized more.
I should have noticed something was wrong when Duncan and April and I got to the Three Kronen and the karaoke equipment was just sitting in a pile near the cigarette machine. I asked Ivar where Arne was and he said he didn't know, but to check upstairs first. I left Duncan and April to set up the karaoke and went up to Arne's apartment.
Wilco must have had a week off, since the place was a mess, and Arne was passed out on the floor with a copy of Canadian Magic Week and two empty bottles of Absolut raspberry vodka. "Damn," I said, and Arne blinked a bit then passed out even further. I ran downstairs to find Ivar, and ran into a microphone. Duncan had set up the system, and wanted me to sing something.
"I don't sing," I said.
"C'mon, hardly anyone's here, and I picked an easy one for you--'These Boots are Made for Walking.'" April was out in the bar setting the song catalogues, request notes, and pencils out.
"All right, just this once," I said, and Duncan typed in the song. Then his jaw dropped and he started muttering. Then I saw why-- "Muskrat Love? What the hell?" Then the music started, and the little words rolled across the screen, although the first line of the song wasn't "Duncan, I'm going to kill you." I tried to sing, but I can't, so I ended up doing what Zapata and Zenobia was always the best thing to do in situations like this: go hardcore. Finally the song ended, and I went over to the bar to hide. Ivar was there, though.
"Please don't sing anymore," he said. "That was the most violent cover of a Captain and Tennille song I've ever heard." I promised him I wouldn't sing anymore, and went back to the machine. Duncan was hosting and running the machine, so I took over the programming. I think I was starting to realize the test was the next day, and I began to get worried. I had to take it in my father's car, for one thing, since my mother and the Honda would be at the hospital. I hardly ever drove the Saab, and my father tended to panic every time I hit the brakes when he took me driving. Then I wondered why Duncan always invited April to things like this with me. Maybe he really wanted to be with her, rather than me, or even Eva. I started to think about that, and the next thing I knew I was setting up "Afternoon Delight" for them to do as a duet. Once I got that in the machine, I started to worry about the G2 test again. Why did Arne have to flake out over Canadian Magic Week this Friday? Why did I have to run a karaoke night full of drunks doing Swedish hockey songs? I think I must have said something aloud about all this, since Duncan looked at me in a panic. I ran out of the bar then. He followed me, but he went up to Arne's apartment. I was walking home, or in the direction of home.
I went by Jeremy Jones' house, and the light was on in the living room and I could see him sitting in an uncomfortable chair. I rang the bell and he answered. Jeremy's a good listener, and I asked him what he would do in the whole karaoke/bad song situation. He seemed pretty surprised that any karaoke music collection would have "Muskrat Love" in it. Then I checked on my cellphone to see if Duncan had posted anything about this on a blog. He had, and he even got the names wrong. I asked Jeremy if I could borrow his cellphone to text Duncan so he wouldn't know it was from my phone. There were simply too many bad animal references going around, and I told him so and that it was over. Then Jeremy got sort of confused since Zapata told him something about a test to be a male goth or something. He looked fine to me, but I think Zapata was stringing him along or something, especially since she's having some boyfriend problems at the moment. I said goodbye to Jeremy and went home.
I couldn't sleep very well thinking about the test and realizing that I had just broken up with Duncan over something idiotic again. "Stupid, stupid," I muttered. I had to do something about it in the morning after my test.
At least I passed the test. Afterwords, I dropped my father off at home and told him I had to look for someone. He had his fake baseball league fake World Series to prepare for tonight anyway, so he was all right with that. I pulled out of the driveway before Charles Wallace could get near the car.
Duncan wasn't home, and I guessed Arne had something to do with it. It was getting to afternoon, so I guessed Arne would be at his favourite place for brunch. I got a good parking spot at the IKEA and found him in the cafeteria with Duncan. I apologized to Duncan a lot and told him how the driving test had been worrying me.
"I passed, though, and I've got the car outside, and we can go out for food if you like," I told him. He looked happy to leave his ligonberry waffles with Arne. We went to Tim Hortons and had lunch and I apologized more.
posted by Zandra Larson at 9:11 a.m.
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