Cursed fate

I've had a look out to the front yard, and happily the coast is clear. Yesterday morning I got rushed out of the house by Charles Wallace, who said he had to do something at school early. Before I could argue with him, Uncle Arne pulled up. He waved us into the car (Charles Wallace insisted on riding in the front, which was good, since I could duck down in the back seat), and drove off, demanding to know where some teenagers were. Charles Wallace, the little twerp, gave him directions to Duncan's house. Duncan looked a little worried when he got in the car. He asked what was going on, and was the cat involved.
Arne said, "It's part of my new job, now that the act's had to change structure." (Charles Wallace threw something at me at that point). "I need to observe real teenagers in order to find some new angle to sate the restless bloodlust of these crazed old people I'm performing in front of." Duncan then told him where his friend April lived. "Stockholm syndrome: isn't it great?" Arne asked.
We ended up at the Valhalla, and Arne set up his gear onstage. "What do teenagers do?" he asked.
I reminded him, "No family, no friends, and no-one who's likely to have expensive lawyers. If any of those three categories are breached, you are not to cause lasting harm or injury to the persons involved, or to destroy, deface, or othewise degrade their clothing, personal effects, and/or means of transport." Arne agreed and then worked on a trick with April and Duncan. I cornered Charles Wallace.
"All right, you little twerp, I won't tell Mom and Dad about this and you keep your mouth shut about me and Ed." He agreed. He actually seemed to like working for Arne.
"It's neat here, Sandra. Do we have Viking ancestors?"
"I'm not sure, but I know that Mom's ancestors spent 200 years hiding from Vikings in Yorkshire." We were interrupted by Arne shouting suddenly.
"No, really, where did the lighter fluid come from?" Duncan's pants were covered in it, as well as with Arne's fake blood mix (which he's trying to patent: corn syrup, red food colouring, ketchup, and rotting beef broth 'for that mortal smell'). The whole uniform had the 'blood' all over it. While April went to help Duncan get the worst of the 'blood' off, Charles Wallace looked very guilty. He tried to run behind the bar, but I hauled him out. He ended up confessing to Arne that he thought the "sawing a teenager in half" trick would look better if there were flames as well as blood. Arne commended him on his initiative then rounded April, Duncan and me up to take us to school. Duncan needed to go change his pants, so Arne dropped him off at his home after he dropped April and me at school.
Otherwise the day went the same way all days go, concluding with drama club. Duncan was late for school because he made the mistake of relying on Arne to pick him up, then he was late for drama club because he had to serve a detention for being late for school. April played the score from Jaws for Mirabell and he loved it. The Porter threatened to quit (again), and two of Macduff's army were allergic to Birnam Wood.