A side wins

I was watching television with Wilco when Charles Wallace came in.
"Sandra, have a look at this thing I found online." I turned off the television and followed him; Wilco hopped off the couch and followed me. Charles Wallace had found a story about an attempt to hold the world's largest pub crawl in Halifax this weekend.
"Oh shit," I said. "So you think there'll be a story about someone being charged with attempting the world's largest vanishing act?"
"Oh, probably," Charles Wallace said. Wilco hopped up to the desktop and started typing.
"Arne never said he did that, too," I said.
"He's kind of slow, though. It's probably because he doesn't have opposable thumbs." We looked to see what Wilco wanted.
"Oh, he's just on the Labyrinto de los novios boards. He's looking for spoilers for next week's episodes," I said. According to the spoilers, next week the elderly parents of one of the characters would be featured, as the show would deal with hearts, strokes, aphasia, and the fact that Spanish doesn't lend itself to puns. Wilco was tapping in his response. "Conejo rabido? Good lord. He's consistent, at least," I said.
"Yes, he's complaining about plot structure. Are you sure the SAS trained him? I think he's the product of a secret literary critic experiment," my brother said. At that point my mother walked into Charles Wallace's room.
"Charles Wallace, get that rabbit off the desk. Sandra, have you finished up your homework?" (I had.)
"Mom, what do you want for Valentine's Day?" Charles Wallace asked.
"Charles Wallace, I am not your girlfriend. I have a birthday, and there's Mother's Day," my mother said. She was pretty testy for a Sunday. When I went into the kitchen I found out why. My father was on the telephone with Arne, who was currently speeding through New Brunswick after making several Halifax police department vehicles disappear.