Fragments against ruin

I couldn't believe that Duncan had willingly gone off with Zenia. I tried to figure out what happened.
"You broke up with him, Sandra. He can do whatever he wants," Charles Wallace said later.
"Even if it's to fall into the clutches of a being who will use him like a cheap tissue?"
"If you're so worried," he said, "you could warn him."
"He won't listen. You saw his blog," I said, pointing out Duncan's revised biography.
"Yes, and he doesn't know how to use HTML either."
"You're no help, Charles Wallace. I'll ask Mom. Don't let Wilco get rabbit kibble on my keyboard." I went downstairs to the family room, where my mother was reading the paper. I asked her what I should do.
"No, Sandra, I haven't had any experience with soul-sucking succubi."
"But what about Aunt Anne?"
"She was just acting like a typical younger sister, no matter what I said when I was sixteen."
I wasn't really getting anywhere with family members, so I decided to call Jeremy Jones.
"It's about Zenia, isn't it?" he asked.
"How'd you know?"
"Duncan's posting all over that she's his true love, and Zenia tried to walk off with Eldritch on Friday, according to Zapata," Jeremy said.
"Zenia must have had a dull reading week," I said.
"I thought all of you Z-girls were friends with her. I don't understand this," Jeremy said.
"We were friends, really. Zenia was so smart, and so cool: Zenobia and I sort of had crushes on her. Not Zapata, though: she always had Eldritch, but Zenia did tell her to get rid of her first name."
"So what's Zapata's first name?" Jeremy asked.
"Don't tell her I told you. It's Emiliana." Jeremy asked what went wrong. "You know what went wrong--first Zenia took Ed, and then she kind of forced Zenobia to do a science project for her and then held the whole plagiarism thing over her head."
"What did she do to Zapata?" Jeremy asked.
"Not much then, but she threatens to take Eldritch every once in a while. That freaks her out more," I said.
Zenobia and Zapata understood everything perfectly. They even started betting on when Zenia would wring the hope out of Duncan.
"I give him two days," Zenobia said.
"Hell, she'll dump him in a day," Zapata said. They asked what I was going to do to him. I said I couldn't think of anything worse than what Zenia had in store for him.
"Oh, I can," Zapata said.

In shock

I wish Newton's laws of motion applied to this stupid town. Just when you think things can't possibly get worse in Milborough, they proceed to do so. I went to meet Duncan on Sunday at the Tim Hortons. I wanted to tell him that the poems didn't work, I was sorry, and we just couldn't get back together right now, or ever. For some reason Charles Wallace wanted to go to the Tim Hortons with me.
"It'll be boring, and fast. I don't know why you want to go with me."
"No reason. Could you drive fast?" he asked. We took the Saab and promised my father a Canadian maple doughnut and a double double. Charles Wallace was acting both secretive and excited, which was strange. He also didn't have his Blackberry with him.
We got to the Tim Hortons without seeing any police, which itself was a surprise as I was going about 15 kms over the speed limit. I was giving Charles Wallace money for doughnuts and coffee when I looked across the seating area and saw Duncan. He didn't see me, but Zenia, who had her tongue down his throat, saw me. She dislodged her tongue and moved her hand over to Duncan's groin.
"Oh, Zandra. What a surprise." Duncan looked at me, then at Zenia, and then tried to get under the table. Unfortunately Zenia appeared to be holding him up by his zipper.
"Reading week, you know," she continued. "We went over to Buffalo," she started as I grabbed my brother.
"But I didn't get the doughnuts!" he said.
"I don't care, we're leaving," I said. Zenia continued to look at me like we were actually having a conversation.
"You had broken up with him, Zandra, it's not like he wasn't available or anything," she said.
"Just let me leave, before I..."
"Before you what? I don't think your pathological fear of getting into academic-future-related trouble is going to let you do anything," she said. "And roman-a-clef threats don't work on me, remember." Duncan was stuttering something about gifts, shirts, and Charles Wallace's Blackberry. My brother retrieved the Blackberry and a shirt from Duncan's backpack before I pulled him through the door.
"I can't believe I just saw that," I said as I started the car.
"Well, he did go to Buffalo with Zenia," Charles Wallace said.
"How'd you know that?"
"You really should pay more attention to April Patterson's blog, Sandra. Duncan wrote that he was going to Buffalo to go get stuff to try to win you back, only he went with Zenia. He borrowed my Blackberry, too."
"This is worse than the time he thought he was dating Eva. Zenia's a weapon of mass destruction, but he invited her in, so he's not totally innocent." I felt like I was dead haunting the Tim Hortons.
"Sandra, are you just going to gun the engine with the brake on or are you going to take us home?" Charles Wallace asked.

Lloyd, I'm ready to be heartbroken

I just got in from Toronto. We met my aunt Anne downtown and had coffee with her and Enid. My mother and my aunt discussed my grandfather's upcoming visit.
"There aren't any major sports events going on this summer, are there?" Aunt Anne asked.
"I don't think so. The Euro is next year," my mother said. After coffee I went to HMV with Enid and told her about Duncan and his poems. She said that the poetry was a bad sign. Aunt Anne and Uncle Roger gave me Rhino Records' boxset A Life Less Lived for my birthday, and Enid got me Jane Eyre with illustrations by Dame Darcy. The weather started getting really bad when we met up with my mother and aunt.
Charles Wallace just gave me a note from Duncan asking me to meet him at Tim Horton's tomorrow evening. I will go meet him tomorrow, and explain more about why I don't want to get back together with him. I've had all week to feel horrible about it and I'm pretty sure I made the right decision.

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

Well, that's been a hellish week. My parents insisted on me going to school, since breaking up with someone is not technically a health issue. Charles Wallace has been glaring at me all week since he likes Duncan. He said that if he were a gambler he'd put money on me getting back with Duncan.
"I don't think so. He keeps giving me these awful poems and he forgot my birthday," I said.
"I forgot your birthday, too," he said.
"That's different. You're my sociopathic younger brother. I'd worry if you remembered it," I said. My parents remembered, but they're supposed to. Later this afternoon I'm going to Toronto with my mother to go shopping. Arne's still somewhere in the Maritimes, so that's good. Wilco's been very considerate, when he hasn't been getting hostile on the computer. I didn't know rabbits could write such vitriolic reviews of television programmes. Labyrinto de los novios wrapped up its trial storyline in about a minute on one episode, it seems, and Wilco was furious. I can't keep track of the number of novios the women on that programme have, but Wilco can.

That joke isn't funny anymore

I still feel awful. I talked to Zenobia a lot between classes and between her cigarettes. She said that her therapist told her to try to write everything down if something bad happens, since then the whole story is there and you can try to figure out where the plot went wrong. I told Zenobia I thought the plot went wrong when I was born. She said that her therapist said in case of that to just start somewhere later, try to recount the story, and then put it in the "mistake" file in the mental filing cabinet, and then you could start over again with a fresh pad and a new set of filing folders, side labels, and a new ink cartridge.
"Zenobia, who certified your therapist? Staples?" This wasn't helping. It got worse when we were tutoring. Jeremy Jones did his Duncan impression for Zenobia and I fell apart. I went right after tutoring and shut myself in my room and locked the door.
So this is what happened. I just stared at the saxophone for a while, and then put it in the living room. Wilco picked it up and started to play with it.
"Oh, you do that, too. Why is the most urbane, intelligent male in my life a rabbit?" I was just stunned. My father walked into the room then.
"What on earth is that? It smells like the time Arne screwed up his beer keg escape trick in the basement of the CN tower."
"It's a mouldy saxophone, Dad. Duncan gave it to me for Valentine's Day."
"It was a joke, right?" I remembered then that my father had been emotionally scarred by forgetting Valentine's Day the first year he was married to my mother.
"No, Dad, it wasn't a joke, and it's awful." I just had to leave the room right then.

I had a bath to try to feel better. I just kept on thinking about Duncan and the things we did together, but all I saw was the way the band, and the way it took up all his time and his mind, until the bathwater went cold all around me. I got out of the tub and got dressed and tried to read some H. P. Lovecraft to cheer up.
The doorbell rang when I got to the point of thinking I wanted to move to Arkham. Charles Wallace was helping our father set up some spreadsheets so I got the door.
It was Duncan.
"Zedwillyoumarryme?" he said really quickly.
"What?" I didn't expect this at all. Duncan went into his coat pocket and pulled out a twist-tie.
"Will you marry me? I don't have a real ring yet." I just stood there. Then I finally came out of it.
"No, Duncan, I won't marry you. I'm not even 17 yet. You're not even 16 yet. We haven't even finished high school. This is insane." Now he just stood there.
"Why," he said finally.
"I'm sorry Duncan, I really am. I feel really bad letting you know. You're just not really there anymore. We're not really together. This hurts a lot right now, but I can't go on like this anymore and the saxophone was just the last thing." I was starting to cry so I had to go inside. My father had come into the room for something and told Duncan goodbye.
I feel horrible, but I didn't know what else to do. It's like we were in separate parts of the province, or something: we just didn't share the same things anymore.

Atmosphere

I still can't process what has gone on today. I'm still ill.

Avalanche

I’m trying to sort out my feelings about this Valentine’s Day and everything. I really have to think about this.
The weather is awful, so we had one of Milborough’s all-too-rare snow days. Charles Wallace and I were home. My mother had to go to the hospital early, since the reports coming in from the 415 (the nearest highway near us) were really bad. My father stayed home from work and sat down with the laptop to check early scouting reports for the baseball season.
Around 9 or so Duncan came over. I got out the present I had for him, and gave it to him after he got off his coat.
“Strings! Cool! And a new bass strap! And one of those cool new pickups! Wow! This is great!” He had a big package behind him. “This is really, really, great, you know. I thought you were more interested in music than you said, and this proves it. Wait til you see this!” He pulled out the package at that point. “Go ahead—open it.”
I opened the package to see another package. A leathery mould-covered package. I opened that up and pulled out a saxophone. The vestibule started to smell like a bar basement.
“You can play this: we really need a horn player to sound better, and you’re into all this, I can see,” Duncan said. I just stared at the saxophone. Duncan had put some reeds in the mouldier bit of the case. Fortunately his cellphone rang just then. He answered, apologized a few times while getting his coat on, and left. “So, what do you think?” he asked as he went out the door.
“Well, this has taken our relationship to a new level,” I said. I shut the door and put down the saxophone. Wilco hopped downstairs to look at it. “Oh Wilco, what am I going to do with a mouldy saxophone that I can’t even play?” Wilco picked up the package of reeds and then dropped it. “You’re right, you know.”

A side wins

I was watching television with Wilco when Charles Wallace came in.
"Sandra, have a look at this thing I found online." I turned off the television and followed him; Wilco hopped off the couch and followed me. Charles Wallace had found a story about an attempt to hold the world's largest pub crawl in Halifax this weekend.
"Oh shit," I said. "So you think there'll be a story about someone being charged with attempting the world's largest vanishing act?"
"Oh, probably," Charles Wallace said. Wilco hopped up to the desktop and started typing.
"Arne never said he did that, too," I said.
"He's kind of slow, though. It's probably because he doesn't have opposable thumbs." We looked to see what Wilco wanted.
"Oh, he's just on the Labyrinto de los novios boards. He's looking for spoilers for next week's episodes," I said. According to the spoilers, next week the elderly parents of one of the characters would be featured, as the show would deal with hearts, strokes, aphasia, and the fact that Spanish doesn't lend itself to puns. Wilco was tapping in his response. "Conejo rabido? Good lord. He's consistent, at least," I said.
"Yes, he's complaining about plot structure. Are you sure the SAS trained him? I think he's the product of a secret literary critic experiment," my brother said. At that point my mother walked into Charles Wallace's room.
"Charles Wallace, get that rabbit off the desk. Sandra, have you finished up your homework?" (I had.)
"Mom, what do you want for Valentine's Day?" Charles Wallace asked.
"Charles Wallace, I am not your girlfriend. I have a birthday, and there's Mother's Day," my mother said. She was pretty testy for a Sunday. When I went into the kitchen I found out why. My father was on the telephone with Arne, who was currently speeding through New Brunswick after making several Halifax police department vehicles disappear.

The sea bound coast

Every week I go to the Three Kronen hoping karaoke will be uneventful and every week something happens to make me want to hide under my bed for the next year or so. Tonight was no exception. I got to the bar and Ivar said he hadn't seen Arne in a few days. Ivar gave me the keys to Arne's apartment and I went upstairs (Duncan had arrived at that time, and he walked up with me.)
Wilco was there alone, in his rabbit cage. He was batting his paws against the door and pointing at a pile of junk on the coffee table.
"Wow: he's hopping mad," Duncan said, and then apologized. "I've been hanging around Pattersons a lot lately. I can't help the bad puns."
"Well, just hold them for now," I said.
"What is he pointing at?" Duncan said. "OK, Wilco, what is it? Arne ran off to make the Toronto Sun disappear? [Wilco shook his head]. Arne's gone to buy beer?"[Wilco shook his head again, and made a face at Duncan]
"Let me get a better look at the table," I said. Besides the newspaper and the empties, there was a pile of change and a road map. I picked up the roadmap. "Nova Scotia?" Wilco started bouncing excitedly. "OK, maybe the change will tell me something. It's all dimes..." Wilco started jumping up and down. "He's going to Nova Scotia to make a bunch of dimes disappear?" Wilco threw a rabbit kibble bit at me. "All right, Wilco. I'll try to put everything together. Road map of Nova Scotia, dimes, beer...oh my god, he's going to make the Bluenose vanish." I got paws up from Wilco.

The tell tale heart

Love is in the air, like a bed of rotting roses. Compulsory romance waits to entrap us all. It's the week before Valentine's Day. At lunch Zapata stared into space and asked, "What's the most romantic movie you can think of?" Jeremy Jones walked by at that point and Zapata grabbed him and made him sit down, all in one efficient movement.
"Why torture Jeremy with this? Haven't you asked him enough things?" I asked. Jeremy just looked resigned. Zapata saw that neither Zenobia nor I was about to talk romance films so she did.
"I think The English Patient is just so wonderful. I mean, what an enduring love! She changed his entire life! That's so romantic! What's wrong with it?"
"It's full of sand, and it's too bright," Zenobia said.
"And the plane crashed, and she was injured, and he left her in a cave for three years, then came back for the amazing extra plane he had stashed there, and explaining that he was sorry, but he had rehearsal and it was going really well and all the band sounds so good together and they just blend perfectly and he just didn't notice it was oh, a day after the date he was supposed to show up for..." I stopped there since Zapata, Zenobia, and Jeremy were staring at me. "Well, I don't think it's all that romantic a film."

Fun fantasy confusion catastrophe

Maybe it’s not a good idea to work karaoke with people I know. I’m not sure. Duncan didn’t tell me he’d asked Wilco to go get April for last night’s session at the Three Kronen. I wondered why Wilco hopped out in such a hurry. Arne was pretty distracted, since he was trying to fix up a magician gig on his cellphone between (and eventually during) introductions to songs. Once April arrived, she prompted Duncan to take over the mc-ing and Arne was left to schedule and wheedle in peace.
For some reason, Zapata’s boyfriend Eldritch turned up. I guess he got tired of Zapata asking him over and over again if he still loved her. Eldritch waved and walked over to me for a song catalogue.
“It’s mostly Swedish-oriented, but there might be some other stuff,” I said. Eldritch spent a few minutes going through the songs and settled on one.
“Can you help me with this one? You’re better at languages than I am,” he asked. It seemed harmless enough, and I wouldn’t have to actually sing, so I said yes. Duncan looked pretty surprised when he introduced Eldritch and me, but he got over it quickly and started tapping out a bassline to April.
I had just started doing the Spanish lines for “Should I Stay Or Should I Go” when Zapata burst into the bar. Jeremy Jones was following her; he tried to hold her back but she shook him off and jumped on the stage.
“You bitch! That’s my boyfriend! Eldritch, leave that skank’s face alone!” Eldritch stopped singing and looked really confused. Zapata was swinging at my gut but Wilco hopped from the bar at that point and pinned her down. “Get the rabbit off me, you bitch!” Zapata yelled. “Just because your boyfriend wants to take April to Bermuda or whatever doesn’t mean you can steal my boyfriend!” I guess Wilco was doing one of the seven forms of hand-to-paw combat he knows. Eldritch started talking her down and I went to the washroom. April came in right afterward.
“I didn’t know Duncan didn’t tell you he asked me to come out,” she said. “And it was really uncube for him to ask me about going off to Barbados at March break with him and not ask you. Sometimes he just doesn’t think, you know.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m not really sure about anything anymore. Everything’s so confusing. Sometimes I think I just want to be an amoeba.” April was about to say something but Zapata burst in and started crying, or apologizing. April and I went back out and started going through the stack of requests that came in while we were in the washroom. Ole Svenson was still going on about catfights, and Arne was getting Wilco a carrot shooter so he wouldn’t go for Ole’s throat.

Later someone stumbled over to my table, dropped a crumpled request slip down, and then dropped the little pencil into Arne’s beer.
"I think we better do this one now," I said. Arne looked at the slip and I cued up the track.
"And now it’s Luz Putterson…with, Four Strong Winds." The woman stumbled back up to the mike and started singing.
"Isn’t that a Neil Young song?" Eldritch said.
"No, it’s actually an Ian and Sylvia song," Ivar over at the bar said. "Neil Young’s just one of many who covered it. I’m partial to Judy Collins’s version myself."
April was trying very hard not to laugh at that point. “God, Liz’s voice is lower than Neil Young’s: weird, eh?” Liz continued singing and gripping the mike stand. She finished, and then threw a paper ball with another request on it.
"All right," Arne said. "Give Luz Putterson a hand! And next, we have" (he paused and squinted a bit) "Luz Putterson again, with Helpless!" Liz started singing and then broke down sobbing once she hit the words “town in north Ontario.” Then the words she was singing didn’t match the ones on the screen, especially in the second verse where she started singing obscenties about a Paul Wright. Arne motioned over to Wilco who waved over Ivar right then.
“Er, Miss,” Ivar said cautiously. “Would you like a Diet Coke or something? I’ve got some meatballs and ligonberry I can put in the microwave for you.” Liz grabbed the mike stand harder and started to pick it up.
“I can’t see the sun! It’s in my eyes!” Liz shrieked. She started to wave the mike stand.
“Don’t make me call the bunny, Miss,” Ivar said. Liz put down the mike and went quietly to her table. Ivar called her a cab and she staggered out.
“Whoa. Good thing I’m staying with Grampa and Iris tonight,” April said. It was getting late, and the people left in the bar wanted the hockey scores. I made plans with Duncan to go into Toronto today.
“We can meet Enid and her boyfriend,” I said.
“I thought they broke up,” Duncan said.
“They did, but he’s got a car and she doesn’t, and she has access to the darkrooms and supplies at York and he doesn’t.” Duncan promised not to talk about his band too much, and then Wilco drove Duncan, April, and me home.

A confederacy of dunces

Duncan was supposed to meet me over here after school, but he didn't show up. My mother was in early from the office (or late from a shift at the hospital, I'm not sure), and told me that a Michael Patterson called and wanted to thank me personally for the help I gave him on his novel and could I come over to his "temporary domicile" (my mother said those were the precise words) to receive his sincerest gratifications. Whatever. My afternoon was free since Duncan had vanished again, so I walked over to see Michael Patterson.
I thought a lot about Duncan. For once he wasn't all preoccupied at the end of the month. He just seemed kind of distant, like he was in low cloud cover, all January and the change over to February didn't change anything. There weren't going to be any sudden breaks in the weather there. I talked to Jeremy Jones about it a little after Zenobia finished tutoring him this week, but I didn't get to say much since Zapata stormed in to tell him that Eldritch went to see Pan's Labyrinth a fourth time without her.
I got to Michael Patterson's, rang the bell, and Duncan answered.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I could ask the same thing, and I'm going to. What are you doing here? You were supposed to meet me over an hour ago." Duncan started shaking his head.
"Man, oh man, I knew I forgot something. I'm so sorry. Come in. I'm helping April watch the juniors in the rec room." I went in and we passed through a hallway filled with smoke-scented photo albums. April was sitting on a collapsing couch with a blonde haired girl,a really large toddler, a stressed rabbit and a freaking cat.
"Play 'Free Bird' again Auntie April," the little girl said.
"No, we've got guests, Merrie," April said. The little girl ran over to the corner, dragging the toddler along.
"That's ok Auntie April, Robin and Merrie play like Auntie Liz!" Both the children suddenly went into fetal huddles, one grabbing the cat and one grabbing the rabbit.
"April, is Merrie having an allergic reaction? Her lips are really swollen," I said. April sighed and said Merrie just looked like that. Duncan wandered back in at that point. "It's great to see you both, but actually I was supposed to see Michael Patterson. He called my house and my mother took a message. Is he around?"
"He should be. Merrie, where is Attic Guy?" April asked. Merrie got out of her huddle and pointed up.
"Attic Guy?" I said.
"It's a long story," April replied. "Duncan, can you find Mike for me? I've got to calm down Butsy and Shiimsa." Duncan and I went around the house, looking for Michael. Mrs. Patterson was in the back checking the water meter. Duncan walked fast to avoid her.
"Duncan, who do those children belong to?"
"They're Mike's," he said.
"He's got kids? How?" Duncan started to explain. "No, not that kind of how. Isn't he, you know, well..."
"They're his. His wife's at work at the pharmacy right now," Duncan said. Then Michael Patterson came bounding in the room.
"Oh, Miss Larson, I wish to thank you for your expert feminine eye! You are one well appreciated component in the success that is my newly-accepted novel, which will be the stellar attraction in the fall list of Reiner and Browne, Publishers." He started shaking my hand crookedly at that point.
"You're welcome," was all I could say.
"When I have my next opus in utero, I shall certainly engage you and your fine feminine eye and voice to overlook my jottings." I thanked him again. Now I really have to go away to Toronto for university, I thought. Michael wandered off into the kitchen and I was left with Duncan.
"You forgot we had a date?" I asked.
"I'm sorry. April's been really stressed and I came over to jam with her and help her with the kids."
"I'm stressed, too, Duncan. I don't know where I'm going in the fall, Zapata's having daily breakdowns at the tutoring table, and Arne wants to use me as vehicle bait. You could have called, at least." He looked fairly sorry. "Do you want to go to karaoke tonight?" I hoped he wouldn't bring April, but I couldn't say that aloud, especially since April looked stuck with a genetic pool that was loonier than Arne.